Some Good advice
These are just a few thoughts that newbies might care to consider when setting out on their great adventure into the world of BDSM. They are based on my experience of over twenty years on the scene with a huge variety of mistresses and God knows how many sessions altogether. They have been almost without exception very happy, fulfilling, and exciting times - but, I must admit, there have been one or two exceptions, and naturally some mistakes on my part. Anyway, for what it’s worth, here’s my advice.
Firstly, do your homework. Read reviews, seek recommendations, join forums like this. Don't just rely on websites - many excellent dommes have basic websites that belie their talents, and vice versa. Ring up and try to go into more detail without coming across as a time-waster. If she is reluctant to chat, she's probably not for you.
Try to find someone who you are at ease with and with whom you can discuss your fantasies, ideas, worries, limits and so on. She will have had all manner of requests before, so try not to be shy.
However, remember that fantasy and reality are often very different things. Be open about your fantasies, by all means, but don't expect to get them fully realised immediately. The ‘real you’ will always show through in the session: don't set yourself up for disappointment by raising false expectations that you know you (or your domme) may never reach. And at the same time, be honest about your limits, health, phobias and turnoffs. Being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the domme will then be conducting scenarios based on inaccurate information. It could also be dangerous.
Go the extra mile, literally as well as financially. Easy to say, I know, but I've often found that making just that extra bit of effort in terms of distance and money pays off. Try not to compromise excellence in the name of convenience and affordability.
Having arranged your session, plan ahead. Get a good night’s sleep. Sort out your diary and other commitments, and leave yourself plenty of time to get there in case of hold-ups. I always try to arrive early and have some time to compose myself in the car round the corner, or in a café, or just taking a stroll. Don’t drink alcohol before the session. Think of it as a first date (which in a sense it is): have a shower that morning, clean your teeth, wear deodorant, a clean shirt, etc. The woman who opens the door to you will be a vision of loveliness, quite possibly dressed in about three hundred quid’s worth of leather or latex, so she’s entitled to expect you to make an effort as well. Have a chat with her before the session starts – she will want to put you at ease as much as she can.
Once the session starts, be submissive!! This is the whole point. Let your domme take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of her. You will have exchanged enough information on your needs beforehand which she will remember, so from now on do as you are told! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, she will soon bring it to an end. And try to contribute and make sure she is enjoying herself as well. If, for instance, she says ‘lick my boots’, do it with enthusiasm – show her you want to please her.
Hopefully things will go according to your expectations. But do try to stay open-minded, and willing to try things that at first don't appeal. Trust to her judgement and experience. Many of us started out with one particular aim and have digressed into plenty of other activities along the way. Let your domme surprise you, extend your limits, and to take you to places you've never been before. Try to take at least some pain in the session. When you eventually find that you can trust your domme completely, let her know it, and let her guide you into new fantasies. There is so much to experience and enjoy - you'd be amazed at what you first thought as a total turn off can become a basic need.
But if things do go slightly awry, be realistic. She is a human being too (honestly!), and even the most experienced mistresses have ‘off days’ and moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. If it gets too much, tell her. And not all are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Her equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
Immediately afterwards can be tricky, too. With luck you will have just had an amazing experience; one that you thought may never be possible. But you may well be exhausted mentally, sexually and physically. Take your time, have a shower, relax. Again, she will have seen subs in this condition many times. If she offers you a cup of tea and a chat, take it. She won’t mind if you want to leave straight away, but taking a few minutes to ‘warm down’ often helps alleviate any embarrassment and shame that some of us still feel from time to time. And leave enough time for the journey home, too – sessions can over-run, especially if they are going well.
Following on from that, be patient, and remember that as in all relationships, they can take time to flourish. If you hit it off first time, great - if not, don't worry. Either book another appointment, having discussed your concerns, or go elsewhere. But if she’s not for you, don’t diss her to other subs – others will adore her. Keep trying but don't force it. And you can always ask her advice if things didn't go right for you - she will be able to help and should remember for next time.
Finally, be happy and have fun! After all, sex and BDSM play is all about having a good time. By simply stepping into the dungeon, you will have earned and are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative play. The domme will want you to have a good time and to share her passion as well. But if you genuinely don’t enjoy it, stop - it's not for you!
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